Ofour wrote:A well written extended metaphor. Simple and effective, but too short to be anything but good.
Everything Gummy writes is a well-written extended metaphor.
I like it. I like it a lot. What I didn't like was the italicized line at the end. I thought it was rather melodramatic and I really disliked the feel of it. There are two ways I might change that:
1) Stick it back up there with the rest of the poem instead of separating it. Put a period at the end. Italics your choice.
2) Put it at the very beginning of the poem, separated, italics your choice. Either put a period at the end or don't capitalize the I. Things that have capitalization but not punctuation always look so bizarre.
Go you.
-Colleen
Points: 5890
Reviews: 758
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